Longing

Dear God:

"I'll sing to You Lord, a hymn of praise"

Father, i long to sing directly to You! i long to see Your face.  i want to praise and worship You in Your throne room at Your feet...that thought brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart burn with love for You.  someday God, when i see You face to face...it will be epic.  i can't wait to see You, talk to You, hang out with You in heaven...i have so many questions! I can't wait to be in Your presence.  in the meantime, i will run the race with endurance and faithfulness.  

*fist of victory*

love,

grace

Healing

Dear God:

today has been a day of revelation.  God, for the last month i've let my heart become hardened and i allowed myself to become numb and indifferent to everything around me.  at first, i didn't understand why.  but wisdom from friends helped me realize i was trying to protect myself from feeling hurt.  my indifference was a self-defense mechanism.  it was then that i realized i need to seek complete restoration for past hurt and hardships.

but Lord! that task seemed too daunting for me! the thought of me opening up all my past struggles/hurt made me cringe and i couldn't do it.  i thought i had to reopen old wounds and fight through it to get complete healing.  i thought tears had to be poured out.  i thought it would be too painful...so i allowed indifference to reign in my life for a while longer.  but Lord! being indifferent to things and people around me is not how You created me.  and my spirit was constantly conflicted.  

last night i declared i would yearn for You.  i declared (and i declare again) that my thoughts would be consumed by You.  today i have been reflecting on this passage:

"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  By his wounds you have been HEALED" (1 peter 2:24)

it says by your wounds i have been "healed"--not "healing", not "will be healed".  it says, "healed".  it's been done.  The moment You died and resurrected, i have been redeemed and healed.  the act of healing in this verse refers to the healing achieved by the forgiveness of our sins 'by your wounds'.  it refers to forgiveness: victory from sin, victory from darkness and hardships...spiritual and emotional healing.

so the healing i thought i had to suffer through to become restored, is actually not my task at all.  it's something You already claimed victory over.  i thought i had to work through my past darkness myself and overcome it by my strength.  but Lord! You have already overcome everything.

i have already been healed and all my darkness and oppression overcome.  *mind blown* so i realize now that it's not so much about going through the process of healing, but it's about receiving Your healing.  i need to receive and accept it.  

so Lord, i open my hands and heart to You.  honestly, i don't know how this will work, or how this will go.  and i don't know if any of my words or interpretations make any sense.  all i know is that in faith, i open my heart to You and release all control to You.

love,

grace

Yearn

Dear God:

"Lord, i want to yearn for You

i want to burn with passion

over You and only You

Lord i want to yearn"

father, i want to yearn for You and only You.  i want you to consume my thoughts and my heart.  i want to be jealous for Your attention and time.  consume me, Lord.

tonight i really didn't know what to pray.  i felt so lost that i didn't even know where to start.  all i knew was that i refused to give up--i was determined that You would meet and speak to me.  and the word that came to me was "yearn".  

father, i've let so many other things and people come before us.  i cast all of it away Lord.  i throw it all aside so that i may see Your face more clearly.  cut everything else down so that the only thing left is the cross.  right now i declare that You are sovereign over my life and i will be obedient in whatever Your will is.  

"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God" (psalm 42:1-2).  God, my soul is dry and thirsty.  and i come before You now, seeking Your living water.  restore our relationship.  wait...no, i don't just want a restored relationship...father, restore and then improve upon our relationship to a place that i can't even begin to imagine.

father...consume my thoughts...consume my mind...burn away everything else that is not of You and from You.  i want to be obsessed with my God.  discipline me, Lord, to be able to relentlessly pursue You as You are relentlessly pursuing me.  

in this time of confusion and chaos, i will blindly run after You.  when i feel darkness trying to overcome me, i will cling onto You even harder and refuse to let go.  take all of me, take my life, it's all for You.

i will yearn for You and only You.

love,

grace

Entrusted

Dear God:

hello.  it has been a while.

father...i entrust my heart to You and only You.  through everything You are the only one who has been on my side.  when i act out, when i curse You, when i ignore You...no matter what i do, You have always been there for me.  so Lord, i entrust You with my heart because You are the only one who can protect it.  people will fail, but You will always be there.

i hide myself under Your wings.  Lord, until my heart heals, i will hide myself in You.  thank you for opening my eyes so that i can see that through everything You have been right next to me.  thank you for being there for me.  thank you for being my father, my master, my protector, my friend...

in this time of confusion and hurt, i look to You.  cause honestly, i don't know what to do.  i wait upon You.  let everything and everyone else fade away.  i will only look towards and trust in You.

love,

grace 

Deliverance

Dear God:

Father, right now i am in desperate need for You to hear me and move in my life.  i need a shot of joy.  well...honestly, a shot of anything! anything that will break the wall of indifference forming in my heart.   i think my face is beginning to set into a permanent frown..."restore to me the joy of your salvation" (psalm 51:12).  when i pray i feel like You are distant.  and my words fail me...and because i don't have any words, i will use Yours...

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me! (psalm 40:13) Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?(Psalm 42:9) Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him Psalm 42:11).  Send out your light and your truth: let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy (Psalm 43:2-4).

Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan, because of the noise of the enemy (Psalm 55:1-3).

But I call to God, and the LORD will save me.  Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.  He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that i wage...(Psalm 55:16-18).


I will trust in you (Psalm 55:23).

father, hear my prayer.  because words fail me, i used Your words.  i hold onto the hope and knowledge that You will hear my cries and answer them.  but please don't wait too long.  break this heart of stone.  soften it...make me smile.  let me shake off this shell of indifference.  let me have a heart that is molded after yours.  give me a child-like and joyful heart once again.

love,

grace

Passion

Dear God:

today i laughed like i haven't laughed in the last few weeks.  even if it because of something really awkward... =] (haha...still funny) father, help me to break the crust of indifference that has encased my heart.  i want to be passionate again.  passionate about what? hmm...passionate about You and passionate about loving others.  father, this year has been a challenge.  i feel like i trip and fall at every obstacle and test.  at the same time,  i feel like i am growing little by little.  even through all the hardships i've been through, i can see how You have been guiding me all along.  thank you for holding my hand through everything.  

father, every second of every minute may i fall more in love with You.  i want my life to be an epic love story between the Creator and His beloved daughter.  help me discover new things about You each day.  refresh our relationship.  revive my heart.  move me to tears.  

Lord, let my heart become soft again.  i feel like i've let it harden recently and i absolutely hate it.  help me, Lord! help me break down walls.  help me destroy chains.  fill my heart with Your love and compassion.  i don't want to live this life for myself.  may i once again come before Your throne on my knees in worship and adoration.  may i once again approach You in tears to intercede on the behalf of others.  

father, i love You and i worship You now.

love,

grace

Wisdom

Dear God:

"But God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world...to bring to nothing things that are" (1 Corinthians 1:27-28)

"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.  And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power" (1 Corinthians 2:2-4)

Father i know nothing.  there's times when i feel like i know everything.  but in reality, my wisdom, my words fall short when compared to so many people i know.  father, that fact frustrates and discourages me.  i feel like i'm the weakest and dumbest person of everyone i know.  when i speak about You, the words stumble out of my mouth and sometimes i don't know if it even makes sense.  i just speak in faith believing that You will step in and work.  

Holy Spirit, thank you.  thank you for choosing the weak and the lowest of people to do Your work.  please let me continue to know nothing...i know that sounds weird...haha.  but i want to know nothing myself, so i will learn to only rely on You for wisdom and power.  because there's so many times when i help people and i feel like i did a great job...as if i am so great and did everything by myself.  i don't want to act like i know what to say.  i don't want to act like i am great.  instead, i want to constantly  humble myself before You and others.  i want my heart to be emptied of what i think i know, so You can fill it with what You know.  

God, i love You.  continue to work in me.  continue to change me.  i want to walk with Your authority.  i want to walk with the authority of a daughter of the Creator of the universe.  i want to speak with Your authority--speak with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.  i want my words to have Your power.  i will keep pursuing You and i am comforted knowing that You are pursuing me too.

love,

grace